The Worst Client

I was lucky... I didn't spend enough time working on the government to become permanently damaged goods.

So "consulting" wasn't a big change. But then, as a mere employee, consulting might not be what you think it might mean. In my job it means jumping from being a Microsoft SQL Administrator one hour, to configuring Microsft Outlook the next, and then updating a clients Drupal based website in a third hour. It means I get to be a jack-of-all-trades yet master-of-most-but-not-all that I like to be. It's a swell job... I'm not getting rich... But at least I'm a lot happier now than when I was in the government. But then, there's the worst client...

I came to this realization pretty quickly.

The worst client isn't the one that doesn't pay you...

The worst client isn't the one that insults you...

The worst client isn't the one that doesn't renew your contract...

Those are bad, granted, but the worst client is the one that does not know what he/she/it wants!

Yes, clients that know not what they want are the ban of shoe salesmen everywhere!

And they also make consulting harder that it should be. Let's see:

  • Client [decisively]: I want a computer. Cheap.
  • Me [after shopping around]: OK. Based on your needs, run MS Word, browse the internet, store media files I recommend this one. It's a brand name, three year warranty, average processor but with more ram and disk space than most. It's also dirt cheap.
  • Client [pouting]: But I wanted a laptop.
  • Me [eyeroll++]: OK. Here I found this model. It's nearly the same configuration as the previous one and a huge deal to boot, considering it's a laptop.
  • Client [frowning]: I think it's too cheap. I don't want to be seen with a cheap laptop in tow!
  • Me [frowning++]: Well, look at this top of the line model. It's stylish black with emerald green trimmings that match your eye color. It costs double compared to the last one.
  • Client: You know what. Buy whichever one you want, just make sure its the pricey one.

These things happen all the time. And I hate it because these types of clients burn up my most valuable resource: time.

There's only one solution (that I can think of) to this problem, and that is charging for my time. The unfortunate thing is, right now I don't get to decide the terms of service for my clients.

Do you have clients like these? Are you this kind of client? Do you have any advice for me?


Comments

I have become more and more

I have become more and more adept at refusing to engage clients I detect will become pains in the ass later on. That first meeting is a two way interview and if I detect problems I will not engage or do so with a clear statement of work. Unfortunately I cannot control all customers I service as we have a sales organization where I have little influence. Fortunately, I do have influence on rates so I raise them for bitchy clients. I also try to instill in my System Engineers that they have to stick to the program. A tech likes to solve problems and clients often abuse that.
Clear statements of work are the most important thing man

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