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The Wee Hours

2005, October 18 - 1:27am — afreytes
It's almost two o'clock in the morning. Perhaps it will be that hour before I finish this post. I should be sleeping.

Certainly, another post will not net me a hundred visits at this hour. A post like this won't incite people to leave me messages, unless they are the regulars (keep it up!). I feel depressed at this hour. I feel the world is a bleak place after all. But, why should I bitch and moan, when there are people so much worse off than me... I can try and make it better... But will it mean something? In the end?... Anytime?

I know I'm going to regret it in the morning. I won't like it when the alarm kicks in. Perhaps if the promise of a job well done awaited me at work. Maybe then I would dutifully go to sleep, seek Morpheous and the weird dreams full of hope he taunts me with.

But sometimes I disdain duty. Sometimes I feel like disappearing,perhaps to join the Peace Corps. You know... Try to help those who really need it. But I have a family, the ties are too strong. I cannot disdain love anymore than I can willfully evade responsibility.

Sometimes, I imagine what would life be without them. If they didn't want me, or if some terrible tragedy taketh them away. What would I do then? What would I do after my own heart is dead? When I was young I thought I could be a vigilante... Like Batman or The Punisher. Yes, go ahead... Laugh!

I saw this guy on TV the other day. The wife left him. They had like six kids, two boys and four girls I think. To spite her, to punish her... He started a fire on his barbecue inside his house, killing the children with CO2. He cleaned their messes while they puked. His intent, to kill his wife's children, while they where his children. And off himself too. Thing is... He survived. A man like that... If I had nothing to loose, no family to speak of. A man like that I could kill without a second thought. Peace and justice be damned.

The world is an unjust place. I figure the mother... And the only surviving child, a girl... Would think so too.

Almost two o'clock... I should be sleeping.

The information soldier reaches for a star from the depths of a muddy trench...
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