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The realization of the implications of such a statement sunk in, slowly, while the pain in my chest grew steadily...

I know that pain is nothing more than signals sent from your body to your brain. Signals meant to alert the brain that something is amiss. And you would believe, I did, that these signals can have an upper limit in terms of strength. And I used to believe that I could somehow withstand this theoretical upper limit... or pass out.

Well, the pain in my chest grew. For six to seven hours straight it grew. In the third hour I declared to myself: "This is what real pain is like. I never could have known. I have lived a pampered life. No pain has been like this. I have been such a baby."

I tried to focus. I tried to diminish the pain in my brain. I tranced into a zen-like state...

I lost it... All trace of rational thought fled me.

I repeated the same stuff over and over. I told the nurses that I wasn't faking it. I told my wife that I wasn't faking it. I told my wife that I couldn't take it anymore. That I didn't want to be here. I told the nurses how glad I was to see them. I told everyone that I was ok. I told the doctor that it would be better for me to be at home.

I choked back tears.

Muscle relaxants, blood relaxants, aspirin and morphine administered through injections in different parts of my body came and went. But the pain withstood it all. It would be done when it would be done, and not a moment before. It was teaching me a lesson... "This is what real pain is like, you sissy! What are you gonna do about it?"

In the late afternoon the pain was just a breath short of unbearable. Then the drugs finally took hold, or maybe my brain just could not hold on any longer, and I just shut off. I slept. Lesson finished.

My heart has been weakened forever, such are the implications of a heart attack. But I am still here. The lesson did not kill me. It is true what they say: Whatever doesn't kill you makes you stronger.

I want to work, to play, to help, to love, to live. I want to be here with you. I want...

My heart may be weaker, but my will is stronger...

The information soldier took the wound and lived to tell the tale...