Something good happened last week. Something that gives me hope I am on the right track, in the right place and in the right time. But... I am not supposed to talk about it. The wierd thing is that I agree I, or anyone else, should talk about it.
I have such fear of failure... I cannot believe the good fortune that I have always had. And I am always dreading, that it will come to a catastrophic halt. You see, I seem to have made it up the ladder rather quickly; but I did so by skipping quite a few steps along the way. Being a jack-of-all-trades I seem to be missing that specialized skill that is needed to, either go further up, or be recognized among your peers.
And as I have said before in the only open source advocate that I personally know. I am well read on open source applications, development process, community, best practices, etc. But my knowledge is yet unproven; the open source alternative is all but unknown in the circles where I move. I don't think it might be enough, at this time, to allow me to move forward or make me stand out. Maybe I should leave government and become a consultant, I would love to help other companies develop an open source based strategy.
I feel hope and fear... Hope for the future, fear of failure...
The information soldier is doubtful.
